This isn't the first reflection to try and understand the position that the eldest son finds himself in, but it does manage to get to the heart of the question of family dysfunction in a fresh way, I feel.
He was angry and refused to go in.
Parable Series 4 - Part Six
THE LOST SON
Luke 15:25-28a "Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.' But he was angry and refused to go in.'"
Finally, we meet the elusive oldest son. And like his younger brother, Jesus' audience would have been surprised to find out that he is not a typical oldest son. He is no Cain, or Ishmael, nor Esau... he is not a conventional older brother as far as their stories were concerned.
Largely due to hearing this story over and over again from childhood, our almost immediate reaction to the older son is disdain. We see him as a whiner and a winger. Someone who refuses to celebrate the miraculous return of his brother. But if we set aside our inherited views and preconceived ideas of the oldest son, we might find that we have empathy for him. While the father called the whole neighborhood to come and celebrate, he neglected to find his oldest son and invite him too. I wonder how many times that had happened before? The oldest son's anger is not misplaced.
Sibling rivalry and family dysfunction are not at all uncommon in Biblical stories. In fact, these notions are central to most of them.
Luke 15:28-30, "So his father came out and pleaded with him. But he replied to his father, 'Look, I have been slaving many years for you, and I have never disobeyed your orders, yet you never gave me a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your assets with prostitutes, you slaughtered the fattened calf for him.'"
Finally, this parable starts to emulate the first two. The first time the father goes in search of something that is missing and lost is when he goes out from the party to find his oldest son and plead with him to come in. Unlike the sheep in the first parable that can be lifted up and taken to wherever the shepherd wants, or the coin that the woman found and placed in its rightful spot, a person is not passive. Returning the lost son (the oldest son) to his rightful place by his father's side at the celebration proves much more difficult.
Perhaps the father did not know which son was truly lost until this moment. Could it be that son lost to him was sleeping just a few rooms away all these years? Once he sees what is missing, like the shepherd, and the woman, he seeks to make his family whole. And the father does what he should. He let his son express his turmoil. Human relationships, family breakdown, are more complicated to bring to completion than lost a sheep or misplaced a coin. It takes time, humility, vulnerability, and courage. And it takes great love.
Don't give the eldest son a hard time here. After all, he's right. He's not the one who was off sleeping with prostitutes and he didn't waste his father's fortune. He had been working hard all these years hoping for a fraction of the love he gave his younger brother. You guys know what it's like; when there is a child or a person with a problem or an issue or is more rebellious and wild than the others, they seem to garner the most attention. All the while, the others go less noticed, perhaps even unseen. It would be easy to feel forgotten and less loved than the child getting all the attention. And in this, the son was right to express to his father what he was feeling and perhaps reveal to him the real rift in the family.
These two brothers were at odds with each other and the father is only just beginning to see what is really happening in his household.
Just finished my annual retreat, this year with 25 other De La Mennais Brothers at the Benedictine monastery of Landévennec in Finistère, Brittany. A time to recharge the batteries, to read, to pray, to reflect, to write, to enjoy the beautiful coastal countryside... to take stock of the past year and to look forward to the future with hope. Today and tomorrow I've 2 days of meetings with our Provincial Council, after which it's back to Liverpool just in time to get ready for Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. Here's a Facebook message from the people at "40 acts" to help us live this Lent in a way that takes the focus away from what we can do for ourselves and towards responding better to the needs of others. "Lent starts this Wednesday! How are you doing it?
We're giving up giving up and giving generously instead. Like & Share if you're joining us and tag in some friends to join the #40acts generosity movement.(Sign up at www.40acts.org.uk to …
The article linked at the bottom of this post was written by the bass player of Switchfoot, Tim Foreman (The band are favourites of mine and there was a Switchfoot song on our Indonesia/Japan tour playlist, "Love Alone Is Worth the Fight”). The band are all mad keen surfers. The article recounts a dramatic experience that Tim had while surfing somewhere that Team Win! now know: Bali, Indonesia! The end of the article is as follows:"... life is meant to be lived. And that means taking risks. We come alive when we step beyond the comforts of what we know. And it’s all too easy to just say “no” to the things that scare us. But who knows what’s waiting for you, beyond the safety of your apartment or your mobile device. Like fire in your veins: rebellion, adventure, the unknown."Congrats to Andy (Rolo), James + Harry for being willing to take a giant step outside of their comfort zones and embrace our Far Eastern adventure with all the encounters and experiences that made i…
I saw Spielberg's adaptation of Roald Dahl's "The BFG" a couple of weeks ago and enjoyed it very much, despite it taking a little while to really get going as a story. Mark Rylance does a tremendous job with the giant. Not only is he friendly, he is warm, funny and touching and is well matched by young Ruby Barnhill.Jeffrey Overstreet has written a lovely appreciation of the film from the point of view of humanity's deep-seated dreams of "a benevolent presence in the cosmos". "In a world of absent fathers, disappointing leaders, and churches betrayed by corrupt leadership, it’s no wonder that even adults get teary-eyed when they watch these childlike ideals of faithfulness and consolation. We want someone who transcends human limitations but who is also capable of intimacy. We are inclined to look for someone who will catch us when we fall—but who can also catch a falling sky... Never underestimate the power of a story about someone who watches over…