Contemporary philosophers
Many thanks to my confrère, Bro. Ernest Paquet, for this wonderful collection of contemporary wisdom from some of the greatest minds of the last 100 years... including Arnold Schwarzenegger!!
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept
crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn (US first Astronaut 1962).
*****
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu (Anti-apartheid Archbishop of Capetown).
*****
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman (American TV host).
*****
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes (US business magnate).
*****
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind (US comedian).
*****
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr (Irish-American playright).
*****
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor (Film star).
*****
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
~ Jeff Foxworthy (US actor / comedian).
*****
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip (Duke of Edinburgh).
*****
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips. (US entertainer).
*****
~ John Glenn (US first Astronaut 1962).
*****
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu (Anti-apartheid Archbishop of Capetown).
*****
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman (American TV host).
*****
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes (US business magnate).
*****
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind (US comedian).
*****
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr (Irish-American playright).
*****
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor (Film star).
*****
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
~ Jeff Foxworthy (US actor / comedian).
*****
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip (Duke of Edinburgh).
*****
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips. (US entertainer).
*****
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it
yourself.
~ Harrison Ford (US film actor).
*****
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall (Scottish folksinger).
*****
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand. (French philosopher).
*****
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I was just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger. (US film actor).
*****
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden (Anglo-American poet).
*****
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson (US TV host)
*****
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin (US film actor).
*****
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante (US film actor / comedian).
*****
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell (Storyteller).
*****
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts (American financier).
*****
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
~ Jonathan Winters (US comedian / actor).
*****
~ Harrison Ford (US film actor).
*****
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall (Scottish folksinger).
*****
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand. (French philosopher).
*****
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I was just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger. (US film actor).
*****
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden (Anglo-American poet).
*****
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson (US TV host)
*****
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin (US film actor).
*****
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante (US film actor / comedian).
*****
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell (Storyteller).
*****
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts (American financier).
*****
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
~ Jonathan Winters (US comedian / actor).
*****
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