The fruits of my annual retreat - pt. 2
Some random thoughts jotted down during the retreat:
There are moments, generally those quiet, late-night ones, or the stunned-by-the-beauty-of-creation ones, when I feel a kind of vertigo at the fact that I am there at all in that place and at that moment. This happened to me twice in particular during the retreat. Both times the feeling came over me like a wave crashing on the shore.
What convoluted chain of events, what minor miracles have led me to be right here, right now? So many of these have depended on the intervention of other people... other minds, other hearts guided by God's hand to help me get here... but also moments of defeat and darkness, yet through which grace was born. A chain reaction of divine circumstance mixed with human weakness, making of each day a crazy, wonderful gamble... Destiny? Free will? Chance? Who knows exactly the balance that these achieve. All I can do is put my total trust in him who has got me this far despite me. I stand and look to the skies, arms open wide and say,
"Your word is a lamp for my steps - our steps - and a light for my path - our path (cf. Ps 118). I hold my life in these fragile hands as I follow in the footsteps of my elder brother, your Son, and I give that life back to you. For you are my Abba, I am your son. You love keeps me safe. I am yours, forever."